Old Bodder’s Almanac gives improbable predictions for 2018

Just a bit of New Year’s fun. Please add your own humorous predictions in the comments section 🙂

January. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un agrees a job swap with President Trump. After Donald Trump complains his tweets are being censored by the North Korean military, the entire world celebrates. Kim Jong-un imposes a strict dress code on Washington. Department stores run out of pyjamas.

February. The Pope announces that Barak Obama is to be fast tracked to sainthood. Jeremy Corbyn complains he was overlooked for the role.

March. The NHS says it has at last worked out why it is losing money. It announces that all hospitals and health services will shut within months. This will ensure the NHS will balance its books for the first time in memory. Political leaders boast they have at last solved the problem with NHS finances.

April Fool’s jokes are outlawed after a government survey reveals that comedy is more popular with the public than cabinet ministers and MPs.

The Queen agrees the month of May will be renamed Theresa.

July. Revolting Tory backbenchers insist on the return of Margaret Thatcher to Number 10. The Archbishop of Canterbury says that is beyond his powers. The Pope says he could probably fix it for Tony Blair. Jeremy Corbyn complains he was overlooked for the role.

August is cancelled as a “new” era of austerity begins. Ministers fly off on diplomatic visits to countries that still believe in August.

September. Ministers fail to return to their constituencies. All party political conferences are cancelled putting hundreds of journalists out of a job. Sales of newspapers soar.

October. While fumbling with his buttons in a Korean washroom, Donald Trump accidentally fires a nuclear missile that hits Washington. Kim Jong-un is unavailable for comment. Sales of pyjamas in the USA collapse.

November. Former Lib Dem leader Sir Nick Clegg is elected President of the European Union. Jeremy Corbyn complains he was overlooked for the role. Clegg announces dozens of additional states will join the EU, including Tuvalu, Antarctica and North Korea.

December. Theresa May celebrates her third Christmas as Prime Minister. Rumours that 2019 is to be cancelled fail to make headlines after alien life is discovered in the Palace of Westminster. All MPs and several Lords a Leaping are evacuated to Acton Burnell in Shropshire. Ludlow rebuilds its town walls as a defence against the alien political hoards.

3 thoughts on “Old Bodder’s Almanac gives improbable predictions for 2018

  1. June has obviously disappeared down a large pot-hole outside the castle. This will probably be repaired during July, August and September so that life in the town centre can be disrupted as much as possible over the summer months.

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